Dear Fraser,
I thought I'd be writing this on your 18-month birthday, but here we are just passing your 19th month on Earth.
If I had to describe you at this juncture in life, I'd probably lead with...
You.Are.A.Wild.Woman.
Words cannot describe how much joy, love, fun, and insanity you've brought to your dad and me. You keep us laughing, and you keep us running. There's no rest for the weary or those who are on Fraser duty. You march to the beat of your own very loud drum. So many of my hopes and fears are actualizing as we continue to progress into this mother-daughter relationship.
For example, you not only fell down the wooden stairs on the back deck leaving you with a bruise on your forehead and one on your eyebrow, but you somehow tripped and fell and had a bleeding cut on your other eyebrow, all of this after you poured an entire bottle of bubbles over your head. Just an average Sunday in the backyard for you, my dear.
You are as independent as they come, rarely looking my way when you dart across a playground or into the woods or even into a dark room. You don't seem to be scared of anything, except you get a little shy when something very exciting is about to happen, like right before the train passes our house and the conductor looks to wave back at you. You get a bit of stage fright now and then, in the oddest of moments.
Life is about to change in a very big way for all of us. Your baby brother or sister is just moments away from joining our family. It delights me to think of you as a big sister, but it also has me terrified because you are the center of my world right now, and I can't imagine life without you as my only sidekick. I know people say your heart expands...the bonds of siblings are incredible, etc., but this is my current fear.
And the world is a crazy and sad place right now. I know you will always fill it with the brightest light you can. You already have a "can do" spirit, pointing to yourself with both your thumbs saying, "Shay-Shaw," which is how you say your own name. You want to wash your own hands, open all the doors, go up and down the stairs unassisted, clip into your carseat, walk the dog, get the dog his dinner, ensure you have ice in your water cup at all times (this is a real fun stalling technique right now), and last night you even tried to cart both of your little table chairs out to the back deck for dinner. You are a real riot.
There are a few things that turn any of your moods around instantly, the first being kids. You love saying "kids," which is kind of lispy right now and sounds more like "tids." You like seeing kids, you LOVE hearing kids play or scream in the grocery store, and you're just so curious what other kids are doing. Today I took you to a clothing store and didn't have you in a stroller (which was a mom fail to the tenth degree!), and you saw a girl who was probably about four picking out clothes and putting them into a cart. You wanted to do that, too, and started yanking every item of clothing off the hangers. You're a copycat and a parrot, and your imagination is incredible at this stage.
The doctor says you are advanced in your language. Since I've never had a baby before you, I didn't know that all kids your age aren't as verbal. You try so hard to say a lot of words, and you have a handful of songs you demand us to play or sing so you can join in. You LOVE leading prayer at night and offer your friendly hands-folded "pay-r" reminder if we forget to pray the minute we sit down to dinner. You also like to give "peace" at church and your new thing is the holy water and blessing yourself. All of these things make me laugh and make me proud.
Your love of the outdoors and of animals continues to grow. And after two live hockey and basketball games, you became obsessed with these sports. Don't tell too many people, but our TV was on quite a bit during March Madness, and I think that's where you really picked up your "shoops" (hoops) habit. On the night of the final when your dad was still working, I was getting your room ready for bed, and I stopped hearing the pitter-patter of your toddler feet running back and forth across the house. So, I walked out into the living room and saw you with your two favorite stuffed animals and your blanket sitting on the couch, clapping and watching the game. Then you said, "Mama," and pointed to the spot next to you on the couch. That was a memory I wish I had recorded, but maybe writing it down will help me never forget.
I'm just so thankful you're in our lives. You bring a lot of joy to strangers because, for the most part, you're a pretty happy little lady. I can still take you to the store and on walks as long as we have lots of snacks, and new environments don't intimidate you. We made it through tax season just the two of us, and I think I'll look back and cherish that time. We'd have Friday night dates at Whole Foods where you got to eat all your favorite things at once and people-watch all the other kids and families eating dinner, too, and it was probably during this time you picked up your fondness of "peet-zah."
And just a few weeks ago, we moved just a stone's throw from our "old" house so you could have a big backyard to explore. We have grand plans for lots of adventures here, and we think it will be a wonderful home for our family to grow. I thought I'd feel worse moving out of the house in which we brought you home from the hospital, the place where we made so many memories as a family of three, but the old saying are true that home is where your heart is, and as long as I'm with you and Dad, I'll be happy forever.
Fraser, I'm so nervous and scared to be a mom to anyone but you. All I know is your big, bold self. Thank you for being a ball of energy, especially at this point in my pregnancy, when I can't hardly bend over and when some days are a little too physically demanding for me. I know I can do anything because I have you, and I want to be able to show you that you can do anything, too.
I know I've left so much out. There are so many things that make you you and so many "isms" that have us laughing at night after we put you to sleep. My words aren't as eloquent as I'd like right now, and I feel like I am barely stringing sentences together at this point. I'm blaming the baby. Please know how proud we are of you and how we see such extraordinary things in your future. Thank you for giving me the best gift in life of motherhood. I know I've made a lot of mistakes and learned so much from you. You are the biggest blessing. I will cherish this year-and-a-half together forever.
Love,
Mom
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