Sub-chapter of the Portland life

This just in!

I'm no longer living at my parents' house. It's a brave new world, people. I'm spreading my wings and embarking on the life of a typical 25-year-old living in the big city.

I must admit, the most enticing aspect of this decision is the idea of exploring and expanding my knowledge of Portland. Although I grew up here, I left at age 18 for college, and I've never really lived here as an adult. Sure, I've been here for the past nine months, but I haven't done much other than school and coaching.

It's time to get going and see what kind of trouble I can find in the Rose City. ;)

Oh, and you can bet I'll be blogging about it. So continues The Story of My Life ...

I feel compelled to mention I am not a fan of the rain. Not one bit. I do not enjoy wearing a pea coat in late May either. I am ready for sunshine. The rain drizzle could be the demise of my residence in the Northwest. C'mon weather gods--give me some sunshine!

The Bucket List

Toward the end of my footloose days in college (or maybe even as far back as high school?) I started to piece together a bucket list. I wrote it in a journal that's now tucked in box in my parents' attic, awaiting yet another move a year from now--to wherever that may be.

A recent walk with my mom prompted me to wonder about my progress on the ol' bucket list.

We passed a house with a sailboat parked on the side. My mom said she'd always wanted to go sailing, and I said, "Me too; it's definitely on my bucket list." To this, my mom replied, "I never had a bucket list. I like to live in the here-and-now. I don't have a lot of wants or needs."

For me, a bucket list isn't about wants and needs--it's more about goals and aspirations.  I admire the fact that my mom has been able to achieve what she wants out of life. Maybe I keep a list because I'm young and ambitious, or maybe it's because I have to write stuff down or I forget it. Either way, I like my bucket list, and I think I'll keep adding to it and checking off items as I grow old.

Here are just a few of the items I can recall listing:
- Play basketball in college.

- Move to a city in which I've never been or where I know nobody.

- Run a marathon.

- Live in a ski town.
- Earn my master's degree.
- Write a book.

- Go on a sailing trip.

- Write for a magazine. 

- Climb a mountain.

- Marry and live a simple life based on family, friends, and faith.  (Is it OK to put marriage on your bucket list?)

- Be my own boss. 

This is quite the shabby blog entry. Note to self: Hunt down that journal and add to this pitiful semblance of a list.

Oh, and for your daily dose of inspirado (as my friend Leslee says), here's one of my favorite quotes that's been screaming at me lately:

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst ... a spark that creates extraordinary results.

Mom of many hats

My mom doesn't like wearing hats, but hypothetically speaking, the lady wears more headpieces than anyone I've ever met.

I know my siblings would agree--you just can't put into words what an over-the-top amazing mother we've been blessed with. From the second each of us was born, we've been showered with unconditional love.

We've been taught countless lessons, and I continue to learn from her on a daily basis. Let me mention just a few of my mom's words that echo in my head:
- Details and manners matter.
- Treating others as you wish to be treated is more than a mantra.
- If you want to achieve something, you have to put in the time and effort. It's not easy.
- A stiff upper lip and faith in God's plan will get you through the toughest times.
- At the end of the day, all you have is your family.
- I live a charmed life.

With her fight and fearlessness, she conquered cancer and showed all of us if you don't have your health, you really don't have much.

She kicks my toosh at the gym. I'm not exaggerating. She can lift more weight and spin her legs faster than I can. She always says she wishes she was an athlete. Well, I'd say she's worthy of that title.

She walks more than anyone--period. Whether it's to get her day started, to get to work, or to pick up something at the grocery store, she certainly puts in more miles on her shoes than her car. She's even been pulled over by the police for walking (I need to dedicate a post to these two--yes, two--incidents).

Should I even attempt to write about her cooking, baking, and entertaining dominance? It's impossible to explain how crazy this lady is in the kitchen.

Growing up, we knew Tuesday was French toast day and Thursday was pancake day--it was rare eating cold cereal and toast. There was nothing average about our mealtimes. If someone had a sporting event, dinner would be left in the oven for that kid. For us, fast food was sitting at the counter in the kitchen and watching our mom whip up a hearty meal in 15 minutes.

At school, friends would fight over our homemade lunches. We could get big money for those things!
 
Nowadays, she bakes for the teachers at her school, my dad's coworkers, neighbors, the mailman, UPS guy, and of course the front desk attendant at the gym.

I'm not doing her justice. My mom is unexplainable. She's outrageously humble. She's impossible to thank. She hates receiving gifts because she doesn't like knowing you spent money on her. She's stoic and relentlessly reliable.

I can't forget to mention how she's a mom to more than the four of us. The moment you introduce yourself as a friend of ours, you're just one of the family.

I hope and pray I can be just one ounce of the mother to my children that she's been to my siblings and me. We are the luckiest.

Happy Mother's Day!

(I can't find a better photo right this second...)

Unwritten

I kid you not. The following happened to me today, the fourth day in May ...

Maybe I should rewind and let you in on my final prayer before I fell asleep last night. I asked God for strength, and I prayed for people who I know that need strength. I tried to pray for others instead of myself. I said I was going to wake up and feel a new sense of strength. Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy, but that's just exactly what happened. I felt wonderful. 

I was tired of being unproductive and sulking in the results of recent events, and I worked through my day with a genuine smile on my face, checking off the things that had been building on my to-do list for the past two weeks. 

Whether at my desk or in my car, I had music on, and I chuckled as I heard Keith Urban's Stupid Boy. On my way home from work, I found myself lost in the lyrics of Amy Grant's new song Better Than a Hallelujah. 

Without thinking about the weather or how far I would go, I threw on my running clothes, jammed my headphones into my ears, and set off on a run the moment I got home. By the time I reached a fork in the road, it started to rain. Would it sprinkle or would it pour? Should I go short or run long? I chose to take the route that would end back home after five miles. Of course it began to pour. I smiled to myself because the running seemed to get easier the more I pushed. 

Just as I rounded up one of the last hills before the homestretch, Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten came on my iPod. I couldn't believe the words I was hearing as the rain was literally dripping off my nose and soaking through my shirt. It was an omen. It was a nod from God. Whatever it was, it was perfect. Absolutely perfect.   Read the following and correct me if I'm wrong. Oh what a glorious day! 

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

'Life begins at the end of your comfort zone'

I read this quote by Neale Donald Walsch on a Quotable Card, and of all the things I've read in recent days and weeks, it really spoke to me.

It's pretty difficult to put this into words, but I am going to try.

I feel like God and I have this little game going on. I don't know if I'd call it a game, but it seems like whenever I feel on top of the world, something happens to remind me that ... well ... life happens. Let me rewind and share some examples of this so-called game.

In college, I started and scored in every basketball game of my career for three seasons. I had a wonderful relationship with my coach. I played free of injury and seemed to skate through the seasons, racking up accomplishments and awards, and although I worked extremely hard for these things, they flocked to me nonetheless.

Then, my senior season rolled around. This should have been my best year ever, but my back started bothering me, and the precarious injury got progressively worse, to the point I could not get out of bed without a load of pain. I wasn't able to perform on the court as I had in previous years, and my relationship with my coach began deteriorating. I even got yanked from the starting lineup shortly before the end of the season. Almost every aspect of the game I loved caused me to cringe.

I didn't understand why any of those things happened to me at the time. It took at least a year after graduation for me to look at a basketball and actually want to pick it up. After much contemplation, however, I realized that had I not suffered through such a personally devastating season, there's no way I could truly empathize with others who either don't get to play due to injury or performance issues or who have difficult relationships with their coaches. As I am hoping to have many children, how would I relate to them if they end up riding the bench or endure an injury?

Similarly, I suffered some broken hearts in college. Where do I begin with this one? I don't want to dive into details, but it's safe to say, whenever I had feelings for a guy, I'd tell him. I couldn't hold it in. On more than one occasion, I thought I was heading down the road to Relationship-ville (population boy + Kate) only to receive the, "You're amazing, but I don't like you like that" speech. Oh, you'd think I was a pro at hearing this one. It never got easier, but I was more willing to have guys-as-friends than to try to have boyfriends.

Then, I met my one true college boyfriend. We were total opposites, but he made me laugh, and we had a good time together. I want to say this lasted a total of five or six months (and in college, that's a looong time!). I knew when I met him I didn't want to have a boyfriend when I graduated college, but regardless, I was not expecting it the night he came over to tell me--and I quote--"I feel like this is either going to get super serious or it's going to end." I don't even know if I allowed that last part to escape his mouth before I said, "What are you talking about?!" Man oh man. I didn't see that one coming. I was devastated. I remember my three roommates banding together and cutting up photos of my "ex" and me. It was super therapeutic.  
  
It took some time, but I got over it. It wasn't easy as I had to see him with other girls at the bars, and I had to run into him on campus. Now, I'm able to text with him and laugh about certain memories and silly college times. I recently asked him, "How long would you say it took before we could be friends and not have hurt feelings." His response: "I don't know. A couple weeks?" Well folks, this just shows how different women and men are. A couple weeks to him was the equivalent of several months if not a full year for me.

There are other such stories and examples of this "game with God," but the most recent, and perhaps most trying is my breakup with my boyfriend. If you read my blog, I'm sure you feel like that came out of nowhere. Well, that's exactly how I felt on a typical Sunday evening when I got the phone call ending our two-year relationship. It was one-sided, and I didn't really get a straight explanation. There were no feelings of regret or remorse out of this guy on the other line. I had no idea who I was talking to. This was not the man I was planning to marry. That guy and I never really fought. We had an effortless relationship. I was 100 percent in love, and I had more trust and faith in him than anyone. We just saw each other a few weeks earlier, and everything seemed just as it always did. I had not a worry in the world or questionable moment about our future together. Then, in an instant, it was gone. This was the moment I realized any heartbreak before was minimal. This was gut-wrenching heartache.

It's important to live life with no regrets, and that's something deep down I'm sure of. I wish time would fast-forward to the point where I can say I don't regret meeting him, but right now that's pretty difficult. I want time to pass so I can look back and smile about the wonderful memories we made together. I want to be able to laugh and be friends and say thank you for our time together. It's crazy, though--I never thought I'd be looking back and smiling. I thought I would be looking forward and grinning from ear-to-ear together.

So, it's hard right now to have that faith because I never saw this coming. There's a laundry list of things I'm sad, mad, and even angry about, but No. 1 on the list is the fact that I loved sharing my life with him. I'm confident and happy being alone, but having someone to share things with is unexplainable. I can't put that into writing.

Maybe I was too comfortable with the future we painted, and maybe now, just as the quote says, life is truly about to begin.